Halloween is an amusing day totally centered on humor along with suspense. The mood should be right and the mind should be focused on amusing the whole gang that joins the party, and you will never fail in your objective. There are numerous alternatives in retailer shops in terms of costumes for Halloween but there are many more you can make yourself this year, if you are skilled enough and want to add that individual touch that is generally missing in ready-made costumes.

Michael Jackson Costume, a Humble Tribute

One of the most marked matter of 2009 is the death of the King of pop, Michael Jackson. Thus, undoubtedly wearing the costume identical to one that MJ used to wear, tops the list of any Halloween enthusiast. The whole outfit is very simple, even though it appears complex. Simply get black curly hair wig, shiny pants and T-shirt with a black jacket and you will pay the ultimate tribute to the best pop star of all time.

Geisha Costume, Look Stunning

Geisha is also among the most favorite costume persons desire to wear, though creating this at home may be difficult, it is available in shops on condition that you know where to search. The make-up is easier to make: entirely coloring your face and neck white and wearing dark red lip stick and black eye liner along with combing your hair and making a bun will give you the Geisha look.

Marilyn Monroe, the Pin-Up

Marilyn Monroe, as we all know is one of the most famous movie stars ever, is also among the most preferred and the most charming glamorous woman. She is a fantastic beauty icon for many, thus why not costume like her and magnetize the persons at the party. All one needs to do is to wear a long white dress, wear a blond wig, curled till half and put a sparkling red lipstick on your lips and remember to draw that mole near your mouth.

Racing Car Driver , You Will Make the Buzz

In Case you are a man and feel that being artistic is not your cup of tea, then costuming like a race car driver is your domain. Astonish the guests with that splendid racing dress gear that is so terrific and showy. It is easily available at retailer stores and you can select from a big range of different types and styles of racing gear.

Genie, Feel The Halloween Magic

In case you love humor and like magic, costume like a Genie, which is in truth a creation of Disney world and was renowned for years. Supposing you do not have a great amount of money to spend for your Halloween costume, simply create a basic costume from the clothes you have at home and bring a few accessories.

Other than the types of costumes referred above, there are many different choices; i.e. Spider Man, Football and/or Soccer player, Wonder Woman, etc. Nevertheless, make certain that, whatever character you wish to dress up like, you take the most pleasure from the party.

At Present that you have got a few homemade adult halloween costumes, it’s time for you to start planning your future Halloween party. Moreover whenever you require a little help on doing this, remember that I’m here to aid; you are welcome to My Happy Halloween and check out our list of Halloween costumes for adults. Feel free to leave me your comments, your thoughts to the most successful Halloween we’ve all ever dreamed of!

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If you play video games day-and-off date, you can be a candidate for the institution itself will be a special gaming. Just have a good knowledge of the variety of games and gaming systems, and, of course, patience. The rewards are phenomenal and in the end, you will not be a better person.

So what is special? Just what is that someone is a qualified expert on everything? Since there are schools that offer degrees in this type, we each player as an expert entitled to properties listed above. So if you have the knowledge and ability to have sent to play a game – and enjoy solving problems, you can probably claim the rights that an expert system.

Just make sure to provide your own to develop the gaming industry. Part of being an expert to admit that there is always more to learn and the toy industry, this should never in with a difficult case. Exposing yourself to new games and new game systems, you can turn every opportunity to make a game into an opportunity for more than what we already know how to learn, too. You can learn tons of new strategies and widen your resourcefulness as a point of helping others.

You might also take some effort to work together on video games. Get off the game and introduced the public to you and network with your discoveries with others. Networking offers excellent opportunities to share or trade secrets, teach and learn a little something new at the same time. And the relationships you build as a result are simply invaluable. There is no other means of obtaining secret little game known as networking among the best players to win.

It is, if devoted to a gaming expert, consider some classes in game programming. Search and find educational and training programs, both in your area and the gambling industry will be offered as a whole. This is a great way to know everything, what ever you want to learn more about the games, and a good introduction to the toy industry, if you’re not too crazy to make a commitment to a career full game time.

You can also subscribe to magazines gaming, participate in discussion forums online, or register to book clubs, focusing on the gaming equipment.
Please note that your status as experts of the game is always welcome. Strong criticisms – whether right or wrong – come with the glory of perception as the answer to everything. For example, you can find a way that is perfect for you, or you can use spit If experience Heckler be experienced to be deported. The first rule of thumb is not to reject or spew personal. People envy your position, or want to try just to see what we really know (not). The reasons for these reactions to help you do not really matter as sure of the quality and value behind your help. A true in discussing past these things, and they are constantly looking for ways to improve.
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When Halloween is that is quickly arriving, almost all shops you see in the shopping malls also show a Halloween ornament subject. While decorations and treats are the most popular merchandises during this holiday period, other products up on sale from the stores are Halloween books.

Halloween books can contain sinister accounts or they may be themes on how to get dressed as a scary person or step-by-step guide to the best Halloween homemade costume for your youngsters. These books would also include decoration ideas that you’d wish to apply in the house. Halloween recipe books are also regarded as included in this type.

Naturally, a good place to begin looking for these Halloween books is the bookstore. Bookstores have all sorts of books you would get for Halloween and as an instance, Halloween party books contain whatever type of ideas you require in order to celebrate Halloween with a blast. You can obtain all the greatest Halloween recipes and ideas you want in case you desire to have an outstanding Halloween costume party in your neighborhood.

Supposing you need hassle-free shopping, Halloween books can too be found on the Web. You can surf with ease through a tremendous assortment of books online and make price comparison from several retailers. If you wish to have a cheap product, I suggest you to visit auction sites like eBay where your favorite Halloween books are probably provided for a really inexpensive cost. You might still have the opportunity to get a bargain on your bulk orders wherever you are able to communicate with the owner yourself. Deals are commonly done on the Internet with your credit card or in other sort of payment processing and you do not have to worry regarding shipping charges, they are more often than not really cheap, and occasionally, the online book retailers would shoulder these expenses.

Truly, Halloween books would assist you much in your house decorating themes, party designing as well as ideas on the cookies to offer.

Kids’s Halloween books are as well a good material that you may use to narrate a few good Halloween stories to your kids during this holiday season in order to have them a little scared but not outright horrified.

Now that you have got a few info on Halloween books, time has arrive for you to go designing your future Halloween party. Furthermore whenever you need a little help on how to do it, recall that I’m here to assist; come visit My Happy Halloween and discover our collection of Halloween homemade costumes for kids book. Don’t forget to add a comment, your views to the most successful Halloween you’ve ever dreamed of!

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Ever since the beginning of the time of motorcycling, it was apparent that something was considered necessary to protect the bare human body from the elements. The likely solution was leather. detroit motorcycle club The leather bike jacket, a style made all the rage by such movie icons as James Dean and ?the Fonz?, not merely serves as a trend statement, but is an important piece of equipment to any serious biker for keeping warm, dry, and in one section. A good ?riding grade? leather jacket combined with motorcycle chaps or leather pants, will act as a second skin in between you and the highway, and can quite plainly ?save your hide?. With all this in mind, let?s investigate the things to think about when purchasing motorcycle leathers. midwest motorcycle club

The most widespread material for motorcycle leather is cowhide, chosen for its strength and durability. Buffalo hide, an additional high quality leather, is made not from the U.S. buffalo, but the water buffalo most commonly found in India and Pakistan. Lots of leather products come from this part of the planet, and the Pakistanis are world renown for their know-how in the manufacturing of leather clothing. Whichever type of hide you choose, you must understand the tanning process, and how it adds or detracts from the quality of the leather. motorcycle club michigan

Leather was certainly once the coat of an animal, and therefore must go through a tanning process to strengthen it, and to keep it from decomposing. Tanning makes the skin secure and rot proof without sacrificing its form and strength. The tanning process involves a number of stages, including the elimination of the hair and the outer layer of skin, as well as the fatty share of the flesh. The hide is then stabilized by one of a number of methods using animal oils, alum, chrome salts or vegetable tanning. How it is in reality finished determines the excellence, or riding grade, for our principles.

Kinds of Leather

To fully understand the types of leather available, one must first be familiar with the term ?grain?. The grain is merely the epidermis, or external layer of the animal?s skin. Though flaws such as cuts, scars, and scratches will exist, the grain in its natural state has the best fiber intensity, and therefore the best durability. The grain also has natural breathability, resulting in greater comfort to the wearer.

Finished Split Leather

The central point or lower segment of a skin that has been split into two or more thicknesses. A polymer covering is sprayed on and imprinted to mimic grain leather. Completed splits should only be used in low stress applications because they essentially have no grain. If the polymer coating is left out it is usually used to make suede. Not considered to be riding grade, but can look good nevertheless.

Top Grain Leather

Top grain leather has been sanded to do away with scars and imperfections, then sprayed or pasted for a uniform look. The smooth side is where the hair and the natural grain was. Top grain is not the same quality as full grain or naked leather, but thicknesses of 1.2-3mm make this kind of leather a very strong and tough riding grade material.

Full-Grain and Naked Leather

Full-Grain leather is completed from the optimum hides, and has not been sanded to take out imperfections. Only the fur has been detached. In the case of Naked Leather, where nothing other than the dye is added; this very soft leather needs no breaking in phase. Hides are typically 2mm thick, and have got to be hand picked for uniformity. The natural full-grain naked leather will wear better than other leather, and will actually improve over the years. This type of leather is the extreme riding grade; the most sought after, and therefore, the most costly.

Now that we know what type of leather we want, we must understand the fact that leather is hot, and grasp the options that we have for the type of weather we live in. For winter biking, a jacket with side laces and a belt will allow you to fine-tune the jacket to fit securely against the upper body. Of course, being able to entirely zip up only adds to your shield from the wind. You can also wear a leather vest underneath your motorcycle jacket for extra heat. For hot summer days, a leather jacket with air vents allows the air to circulate underneath the jacket and around your skin. For an all year round jacket, think about one with a zip or snap out insulated liner.

Leather is not meant to get soaked, as that tends to reduce the natural oils, and it is advisable to wear a rain suit over your leathers in inclement weather. Nonetheless if they do get wet, allow them to dry naturally away from extreme heat. If the leather seems to be losing its luster, it can be oiled to pick up its look. This supplements the normal oils in the leather itself, which can be washed out through repeated exposure to water. Frequent oiling of leather with mink oil or other commercially accessible products will maintain your leathers flexible and improve their lifespan noticeably.

Now that you have found the ideal biker jacket, take care of it, and it will reward you with years of wear. The normal lifetime of a heavy textile jacket will be from 3 to 6 years at the maximum. A well maintained top condition leather motorcycle jacket will without problems give you 10 years and more of riding pleasure!

With moving scam on the rise all the time, here, for a change, is a moving story that ends happily.

At inception, the story had the makings of a moving scam. And the victim, quickly found his way to an anti-scam moving site, where he could hare his story and get advice. 9 months after a coast to coast move, which had included a binding estimate in writing that was paid in full, the would be victim, received a letter from the moving company demanding an extra 2,200 for “storage.” The fee was allegedly incurred during the move. The homeowner tried to resolve the dispute, in a conversation with someone in collections. He insisted he had never received an invoice from the movers for the storage fee. And when he quoted a Federal regulation which he claimed prevented the moving company from adding additional charges 9 months after the move, the collections agent became angry, and said she was turning the case over to the legal department.

So far this moving company sounds a bit like scammers. The ingredients include concocted additional charges, 9 months after the move, and now, threats of legal action if the victim doesn’t pay up. But now members of the anti-scam moving site bulletin board come to the rescue One member assured the victim that the movers, Suddath, were reputable people and this could just be an honest mistake. He wanted to know if the homeowner had requested storage, because storage fees are not a part of legal “binding agreements.”

The homeowner had requested storage, however, he said he had agreed to pay a flat 135.00 for the additional service. Then he talked once more with the collections department, and this time they were more reasonable. They examined the paperwork and discovered that the time his belongings were supposedly in storage corresponded to the entire length of the move, and would have left no time for transport.

Now Pam, a negotiator joined the discussion. It wasn’t clear at first what side she was on.
She talked with collections and discovered that the items had been put into storage, and could find no promise of a flat fee in the documents. She promised to get things resolved, though. And she made a memorable statement: “Please understand that all companies can make mistakes – it’s when the mistakes are identified and how they resolve them as to whether they are scamming individuals or not.”

The inability or lack of interest in resolving mistakes is certainly what characterizes scam movers. Once they get control of the victim’s belongings, communication breaks down. They are concerned about 1 thing, getting their full fee as quickly as possible.

Archie, one of the knowledgeable participants suggested that the agents for the moving company may have arranged to have the belongings placed in storage, for the flat fee price of 125.00, and simply forgot to tell the movers about the agreement The next day, Pam was back to inform Archie that he had hit the nail right on the head. That’s just what happened..

Apparently Archie and Pam knew each other, as the serious atmosphere dispersed, and they began to joke.
“Archie, she said,” “Your great.” “How many times has a woman told you than?” Archie, obviously pleased with the compliment, responded: “Gotcha, lucky guess on my part. Sounds like a mixup, which can be corrected with a few keystrokes on a computer. You should do like I do, I keep Quinn’s cell phone on speedial, just in case I ever have to go right to the top. I miss ol Quinn, he was a class act. Nothing against Barry, he’s a cool dude too, but Quinn took Suddath to the top, and did it right.”

With the misunderstanding only hours away from resolution, Archie and Pam, the negotiator continued to trade jibes. “Haha, I wish I could get women to tell me that I’m good……I used to date a farm girl, when she broke up with me, she sent me a John Deere letter” To which Pam replied, “I can ALWAYS count on you for a good laugh!!!! I love you Archie. I have got to get to Atlanta soon to catch up with you…..your humor just cracks me.”

The next morning, word came through, the mistake was cleared up. The would be victim had nothing but praise for the anit-scam.com web site community.

This article was sponsored by Packing Service Inc. Packing Service Inc. is a national packing company chain dedicated to protecting consumers from moving scams .

Holy crap! I bought one of these beer bong from www.bottlebong.us for just $7.00 with free shipping and took it to a pary with me last night and got totally wasted. Anyone who dares to try one of these sweet inventions has to be very careful not to drive anywhere after doing a bunch of them. If you are not planning on going anywhere than your in for a real treat… It’s easy to use, and even more fun to race with your friends. Here is how to use the beer from www.bottlebong.us… Just apply the bottom end
(with the long plastic tube hanging down) to the top of your bottle of beer; hold the carb; (the little tube sticking out of the side) put
the end with the soft black edge to your mouth; tip it upside-down;

release the carb, (open your throat!) And chug a bottle of beer faster
than ever before.
oh yea…

did I mention that these babies sell for only $7 dollars each and there is no shipping cost at all? Yeah, totally free shipping. And at a price like $7 you can afford to order tons of them for all of your friends. Get six of them and race your friends with a six pack of your favorie beer. My favorite beer to chug with has to be bud light. I like bud light cause it’s easier to drink and they are really good too. A little trick is to not have the beer be extremely cold when your chuging cause it stings your throat. I like to chug my beers at about 20 degrees below room tempature. Hope my tips make your night better.
Make it even more fun by challenging others, recording yourself (or
others) doing it, and take pictures; then enjoying the rush you get afterwards. Simple enough, right?
And you can send your recordings to j.pirrone@yahoo.com and they will post your videos on their site and youtube.
Record:

your music, interviews of friends, personal
opinions on how the bottlebong livened up your (or someone else’s)
party, or just share your unique (…and they’re all unique)
experience with the bottlebong.

It’s the biggest thing to hit the party seen since beer! All of my college buddies are pumped up about bringing a bunch of these things to our next night out and exploring the world of chugging. So, don’t be stuck at home with nothing to do this weekend, check out thier site and order a few for you and your friends. I gaurantee that you will have the best time ever.

I can’t believe that someone didn’t come up with this thing sooner. It a really neat invention that satisfies the appatite for consuming tons of alcohol. What are you doing this weekend? I know what I’ll be doing…A partying with the bottlebong from www.bottlebong.us! That’s right bitches. See you this weekend.
We hope you enjoy it, and always remember to enjoy it responsibly.

Cheers!
Joe Pirrone

Traveling can be a humbling experience, particularly when you travel to a foreign country. Such experiences, of course, give rise to travel jokes.

Travel Jokes

1. Three brothers are sitting at the bar in a Moscow establishment. An older man is sitting at a table behind them and has obviously had too much vodka. He stands, walks up to the first brother and says,

?Your mother is a vicious, greedy woman!?

The brother tells him to shut up and go sit down.

After about 5 minutes, the old man stands and walks up to the second brother,

?I sleep with your mother whenever I want!?

Disgusted, the brother tells the old man to bugger off.

A few minutes later, the old man stands and starts walking towards the third brother. All three brothers turn around and yell,

?Dad, go home!?

2. You?re at a bad hotel when the bed mint moves.

3. ?Visi, Vermini, Vomnui? ? I visited, I freaked, I threw up.

4. The President?s Vacation

George and Laura Bush take a vacation to Crawford and decide to go the grocery store. In the checkout line, Laura recognizes the man working at the register as an old high school boyfriend. After chatting, they leave the store and George says,

?Wow, imagine if you had married him. You?d be married to a grocery store clerk now instead of the President of the United States.?

Laura rolls her eyes and says, ?No. I?d be married to the President of the United States.?

5. ?Veni, Veneri, Vamoosi? ? I came, I caught a disease, I ran away.?

Typically, just the act of traveling produces more than a few funny moments. Get out there and go.
Traveling can be a humbling experience, particularly when you travel to a foreign country. Such experiences, of course, give rise to travel jokes.

Travel Jokes

1. Three brothers are sitting at the bar in a Moscow establishment. An older man is sitting at a table behind them and has obviously had too much vodka. He stands, walks up to the first brother and says,

?Your mother is a vicious, greedy woman!?

The brother tells him to shut up and go sit down.

After about 5 minutes, the old man stands and walks up to the second brother,

?I sleep with your mother whenever I want!?

Disgusted, the brother tells the old man to bugger off.

A few minutes later, the old man stands and starts walking towards the third brother. All three brothers turn around and yell,

?Dad, go home!?

2. You?re at a bad hotel when the bed mint moves.

3. ?Visi, Vermini, Vomnui? ? I visited, I freaked, I threw up.

4. The President?s Vacation

George and Laura Bush take a vacation to Crawford and decide to go the grocery store. In the checkout line, Laura recognizes the man working at the register as an old high school boyfriend. After chatting, they leave the store and George says,

?Wow, imagine if you had married him. You?d be married to a grocery store clerk now instead of the President of the United States.?

Laura rolls her eyes and says, ?No. I?d be married to the President of the United States.?

5. ?Veni, Veneri, Vamoosi? ? I came, I caught a disease, I ran away.?

Typically, just the act of traveling produces more than a few funny moments. Get out there and go.

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One of the best and funniest April Fool?s tricks was invented and played by me last year. I should say that my friend and me used to make fun of each other regularly on April Fool?s Day with varying success. That is my friend was on his guard and knew he should be ready for my dirty tricks, which made the task almost impossible to carry out.

Last year not long before April Fool?s Day Andrey returned from Canada, where he?d been on a business trip (both of us work as translators of English for one company but on different floors). On April 1st I called Andrey, having arranged beforehand that the telephone girl should interrupt our conversation in a couple of minutes and say that Mr. Andrey Polyarov has a call from Canada. After that she put him through with another telephone in our room, and I quickly answered it. I should say that to change my voice and create the effect of ?long-distance call? I wrapped the blower with a sweater and made use of loud speaker instead of receiver. A lot of people were standing still around me, excited that Andrey might recognize my voice. But their fears were groundless ? he had no smallest piece of suspicion!

I started speaking in English, my voice being loud and very formal:

–Is this Mr. Andrey Polyarov?

Andrey, a little anxious, replies:

–Yes, this is me? Who am I talking to?

–This is ?Otrinto? company, where on March 11th you ordered two commercial vending machines of a total value of 3,141 Canadian dollars?

-But I haven?t ordered any vending machines?

-Excuse me, is this Mr. Polyarov?

-Yes, this is me, but I haven?t ordered any vending machines, and I?m not going to pay anything. ? Andrey was starting to lose his patience. I went on insisting?

-I?m sorry but I have an order with your signature. By the way I remember you pretty well ? you?re a Russian, stout, baldish, speaking with accent, right?

-Right! But I repeat that I haven?t ordered these fucken vending machines?

-Sir, I should warn you that in case on non-payment within a reasonable time we?ll have to bring a legal action!

Andrey finally lost his temper, started yelling that he never knew any ?Otrinto? company, never ordered anything and that I could stick my vending machines up my ass?

The audience in our room couldn?t suppress a laugh, every word from underneath the sweater resulted in a burst of Homeric laughter. I was chuckling myself and couldn?t speak and play my role anymore. I tried to clear the air.

-Andrey, this is me, Denis, April Fool! ? but it was vain. Andrey was shouting that he knew no Denis. He wasn?t even realizing that I was speaking Russian to him?

Of course I could go on further, providing Andrey with the details of his appearance, passport number, address? That?s what I had planned actually, but as I say it was absolutely impossible as my last words weren?t pronounced but were gurgling through the choking laughter.

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I have heard the rumblings of many of you in Readerland about the recent spike in gasoline prices. In fact it’s all I seem to hear about lately. But at least it keeps you from rumbling about the infrequency of my columns and articles. Nonetheless, I have decided to try to help you get through this crisis by generously providing: 3 Ways to Combat Rising Gas Prices!

1. Don’t Drive Your Car

This is, of course, the most obvious solution. If you never take the old Plymouth out the driveway, then it won’t matter that at current gas prices it takes $125 to fill up the 30 gallon gas tank, or that you only get about 2.51 miles to the gallon. If you never drive, you could care less.

Of course, I know what you’re going to say. “But Tim, I have places I need to go-like work. And the kids have school and soccer practice. And then there’s grocery shopping and yoga lesssons and dinner at the Richardsons and blah blah blah and….” Ok, I get the point. Not everyone can sit around the house writing not-so-funny articles and searching the Internet for Drew Barrymore
photos like me. I fully understand that some of you have a life. But just because you don’t drive your own car doesn’t mean you can’t get around. The answer?

2. Carpool

It’s seems so simple now doesn’t it. Instead of using your gas-Use Someone Elses! Have someone else pay $5.50 a gallon for gas to take your kids to school. Make someone else dip into their retirement fund just so they can cover the gas bill needed to get you to the office and back everyday. Make someone else get a second job so that they can have a full tank of gas in their SUV when your daughter needs to cruise the mall. It’s so simple.

Of course, the concept behind carpooling is that everyone takes turns driving. So in a normal carpool situation you would eventually be required to use your car and spend your money driving others around. But this is not a Normal Carpool Situation, this is a Tim Ward Carpool Situation (TWCPS). In a TWCPS you avoid using your own car by making it so that the other carpool participants would rather walk barefoot on 120 degree asphalt than ride with you. You achieve this by:

(a) never washing or cleaning your car. Leave it looking and smelling like the county landfill.

(b) Have the worst behaved child in your family sitting in the front seat at all times. Feed the child lots of candy so he/she is always superhyper.

(c) Refuse to discuss anything in your car except your spouses bad bathing habits, bodily fluids, hang nails, chest hair, etc.

(d) Only play reggae music on the radio. Loud!

You shouldn’t have to worry about anyone wanting to ride with you ever again.

3. Ride the Bus/Subway

Many cities have a mass transit system that is an alternative to driving your own vehicle. If you live in a city that doesn’t have one don’t worry-you can
always move. Of course, riding public transportation does have a few drawbacks, but these can be easily overcome if you follow these simple guidelines:

1. No matter what happens never, ever make eye contact with anyone. Making eye contact is an invitation for someone to mug you.

2. No matter what happens never, ever give up your seat to anyone. This is seen as weakness, and will be taken as an invitation to mug you.

3. No matter how tempted you are never, ever strike up a conversation with the person sitting next or across from you. This is very annoying and can be taken as an invitation for someone to mug you. Or worse, for someone to talk back.

4. Always make sure you are alert to get on and off at the right stop. Getting off at the wrong stop can lead to immediate mugging.

5. Never, ever take children with you on public transportation. Fellow passengers hate children. Children make you definite mug victim material.

Well, there you have it. 3 ways to deal with rising gas prices. Hopefully, you will be able to use these methods to keep from spending twice your car’s Blue Book value just going to Walmart. Hopefully, next time your friends are grumbling and ranting about the mounting gas prices you will be able to
just sit back and smile, content because the issue no longer concerns you. Hopefully, I’ve once more helped my loyal readers in a time of crisis. And all I ask in return as a simplethank you next time you see me. Just make sure we’re not on the bus. I’d hate to have to mug you…

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I used to get really fired up and angry when phone pests would call. I’d answer, hear the long pause with the sound of dozens of other telemarketers in the background and eventually hear someone mispronounce my last name. I am a polite person so I would let them get out the beginning of their pitch and politely say “I am not interested”. Of course, they are instructed to continue their spiel, at which point I would fly off the handle and start yelling at them. Sometimes I would have a little sick fun with it and give them a bunch of shit about being such a loser that they had to do this for a living. “Can’t you get a respectable job like cleaning toilets or something?” This may seem cruel, but my thinking was this: if everyone verbally abused the callers, eventually nobody would take the job. Probably not effective, but it felt good and was a good stress reliever. Now that I am on the Do Not Call list, it doesn’t happen too often, but when it does I have some much more healthy methods of dealing with telemarketers and entertaining myself that I’d like to share with you.

Put the kids on the phone
This was one of my favorites when my kids were toddlers. It started when my then 2 year old daughter was having a rather loud tantrum and I answered the phone. When the telemarketer asked to speak with me, I said “sure, hang on” and handed the phone to my daughter. She was a bit confused because the phone usually meant grandma or something fun. So there was a moment of silence before she started screaming even louder right into the phone. Mission accomplished! Even if the kids aren’t having a tantrum, toddlers love to talk on the phone and can keep a telemarketer busy. It is a complete waste of time for the caller and entertains the kids.
Be happy to speak with them
Treat them like an old friend or like they are your new best friend and you are extremely lonely. When they ask “How are you doing today, sir/madame?”, tell them about your day, what you have been up to for the last year or two, a list of medical problems, what has been happening on your favorite reality show, etc. Better still, tell them in vivid detail all about the amazing bowel movement you had that morning. I like to make a game of it and see just how long they will put up with it.
Ask questions
I don’t mean ask them about what they are selling, I mean ask them how THEY are doing. Ask them if they are on Facebook and if they’ll friend you. Ask them if they are into Twitter and how many followers they have. Ask where there favorite vacation spot is. Get personal – ask about their family, relationships, how they like talking to so many new people every day “gee, that must be so much FUN!”.
Barter
“Ill tell you what. I have this collection of Transformers Burger King kids meal toys I was going to put on eBay, but I will let you have those in exchange for your product, OK?”
Borrow
Let them go through their whole script, say yes to everything. Hopefully you will waste a lot of their time doing this. When they ask for your credit card number, act extremely disappointed and beg them to front you the money. Promise to pay them back and act really desperate to get their product.
Proselytize
Wait for a good point to hit them with a “have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal Lord and Savior?” Or even better, start preaching the virtues of a less orthodox religion. One with a compound. And guns.
Phone sex
This is a personal favorite of mine. I got the idea when a female caller really did have a pretty sounding voice. She asked a question and after a long pause I said in my smoothest player voice “I’m sorry, I got a little distracted. What was your name again?” They will usually say their name again. “I’ve always liked that name”. When they start to read their script again, interrupt. “Wow – you sound really pretty. I bet you hear that all the time. I’m sorry, go on.” Let them get to the next stopping point where you are supposed to say “yes that does sound interesting” and instead ask “what are you wearing?” This will probably catch them off guard, so be prepared to apologize with something pathetic about being really lonely since your spouse passed away. But don’t stop! Flirt hard! Ask where they are calling from and say things like “it’s a shame we aren’t closer” or start talking about how you sometimes travel there on business and would love to meet up for drinks or dinner. I’ve had lots of fun with this and had a young woman audibly blushing when I told her how her voice made me tingle. Occasional heavy breathing or very soft moans “mmm yeahs” or muffled grunts can be very effective if you really want to work the phone sex angle. Act like the details of insurance policy, mortgage, credit protector program or whatever are really getting you hot.

If the Do Not Call List isn’t keeping thetelemarketers away, start having fun with them. You will be much happier and, you’ll give them an interesting break from a really shitty job.